Once
by SapphireMind
Summary: Logan comes back after fifteen years, finding that you can go home again. Entry into the I Heart Rogan C2 challenge. Included now are related one-shots, following the same continuity.
1. Once

AN: Ok, I'm totally cheating, I will admit it. If I had gone with the challenge, I would have ended up not writing anything, so I figured better to cheat than to not write, right?

So this is for the I Heart Rogan C2. The challenge was to take the first random song you heard on the radio and make it into a songfic. I am cheating and just picking a song. I don't listen to the radio much and invariably when I do, the music does not lend itself to songfics in general.

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Marvel (apparently now Disney too). Song belongs to Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova.

This idea has been swirling around a little bit and I didn't think I would write it, but here's a good excuse.

O o o o o o o o o o o o O

He had been gone for a long time. That was the way he was, he wasn't the good guy, as Jean had so clearly told him. He needed to heal, they needed to heal, he needed space. He still cared about those at the mansion, but the thought that they could come to depend on him had spooked him.

Logan had caught Marie before she went and took the cure, and she had been looking for him to stop her. But he couldn't. He gave her platitudes and told her to follow her instincts. If he had told her to not get the cure, he would carry the guilt of her contact-free life, and if he told her to do it, she could someday regret it and he would carry that guilt as well. Plus, it was scary that she was relying on him for that sort of decision, not Storm or even the Iceprick.

She relied on him, and that perhaps scared him more than anything else. He was an animal and he destroyed things. He didn't want to destroy her too. So he left and lived his life as he had before he had met a certain Southerner. He wasn't the good guy, and he didn't stay, and he couldn't be relied on.

He had found out the cure wasn't permanent with the rest of the world. He didn't go back. He had heard that the Professor was back, albeit in a different body. He didn't go back. He knew that they were still preparing for a war. He didn't go back.

When he heard about Jubilee's death at the hands of anti-mutant extremists though, he knew he had to go back.

O o o o o o o o o o O

I don't know you  
But I want you  
All the more for that.

O o o o o o o o o o O

Logan pulled into the long driveway of the mansion, taking a deep breath of the outdoor air before going back inside, to be inundated by scents he had left behind so long ago. He had missed the Firecracker's funeral, but the flag still flew at half-mast for her, he saw as he walked in.

"Logan." A face that he couldn't have forgotten, even had he tried, was the first to greet him. He was a little unsettled, she had changed so very little since he had left, but surely she should be older. She was clearly in as much shock as he, her glove-clad arms wrapping around herself as if in protection.

"Marie?" he breathed. The twin stripes of pure white still framed her face, and she looked like she was just barely out of her teens, despite the fact she should be well over thirty now. God, she was beautiful, even though she was now a total stranger to him. Fifteen years was a long time, but her scent was still familiar and welcome in his nose, maybe more than he wanted to admit.

"How?" he asked, clearly referencing her youthful appearance, at the same time as she spoke.

"I have to go." Still looking as bewildered as he felt, she walked away as quickly as she could without it becoming a run, heading towards the Professor's office, no doubt.

Logan followed her slowly, needing to talk to Xavier anyway. He let his senses sample the environment he was in, still needing reassurance about the amount of time he had been gone.

O o o o o o o o o o O

Words fall through me  
And always fool me  
And I can't react

O o o o o o o o o o O

When he walked into Charles' office, there was no doubt about the changes and passage of time. An unfamiliar man sat at the desk in the office, the nameplate though still read 'Charles Xavier'. "Logan, welcome back." Charles' voice wasn't as smooth in this new body, but he still had the gentle English accent that had always run under his words.

"Chuck." Logan looked around uneasily, unsettled by everything about his return. He was beginning to think it was a mistake.

"Uh. I heard about Jubilee." He stumbled for the words, cursing himself mentally. He might be in a safe place, but being so speechless and off-balance was weakness he hated showing. "I'm sorry." And he was, more than he could ever admit.

"It was a great loss; she had grown into a beautiful and intelligent woman." Logan stayed silent while the Professor spoke, not sure what else there was to say. "I'm sure it would mean a lot to Jimmy to know you came back for her."

"Jimmy?" he asked dumbly.

"Leech, the young boy we rescued that night…" Now it was Xavier's turn to trail off, knowing how much damage that night had done to all of his X-Men, including the one in front of him. "He is, was, her husband." Charles corrected his tenses sadly.

This was the confirmation that time really had moved on; Jubilee, the little annoying firecracker, she had gotten married. Logan still was without knowledge of how to react to all of this, so he ignored it for the moment, "Mind if I stay a while?"

"Of course, Logan. No matter how long you are gone, this is still your home." Charles said kindly.

Logan nodded and retreated, knowing he had to get out of there for a moment and clear his head.

O o o o o o o o o o O

And games that never amount  
To more than they're meant  
Will play themselves out

O o o o o o o o o o O

Logan threw his bag into the room he was directed to - not his old room, he noted, but another room that was empty. His old room was occupied by some unknown mutant who was now teaching the next generation of protectors of mankind. He wondered idly though how long the school would last. Mutants born every day, and the children of mutants were by and large mutants themselves. Eventually, even without a violent uprising, humankind would be the minority, if not totally eradicated.

The thought made him sad somehow, and he wondered what would happen to the mutants here who had spent their lives fighting for equal rights and protection for both sides. He supposed that eventually, they would evolve themselves into a group that protected the human minority. But many, like Storm, had a deep distrust and fear of humans that he couldn't imagine her devoting her energy to protecting humans the same way she protected mutants. A strange new world was coming; hell, it was already here.

He stalked out of the room, not really wanting to dwell on those thoughts; he was depressed enough by Jubilee's death. He should find Leech. And Rogue. The latter making him feel uneasy and guilty. He should have come back, should have at least called at some point in the more than a decade that he had been gone. He knew when he heard about mutations coming back, despite the cure, she would be traumatized. Hell, he knew she was traumatized no matter what. But he just couldn't bring himself to do it; he couldn't be attached to her again in any way. He didn't need her, and he didn't want her to need him.

He found Jimmy and spoke to him, apologizing for not being there for the funeral, and expressing his sadness at the passing of one of his favorite "junior x-men". It was awkward and painful, but Logan considered it penance for having missed out on so much.

Having spoken to the widower, he moved to find Rogue. He was only kidding himself to think that she had nothing to do with his return. He had missed her after he left, more than he wanted to admit. That was even more motivation for him to stay away, to try and break that bond he felt to the young woman. But it was time to stop running.

O o o o o o o o o o O

Take this sinking boat and point it home  
We've still got time  
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice  
You'll make it now

O o o o o o o o o o O

He followed her scent out to the gardens in back of the school, where the graves of Scott, Jean, and Jubilee sat next to each other in a neat row. He had long ago made his peace about what happened with Jean, but the idea of Jubilee being buried struck him hard and he stopped, gazing at the stone monument.

"I'm sorry, kid," he whispered to the grave as he touched it gently with his hand.

"It's not your fault, you know." Rogue's voice floated over to him and he turned, seeing her sitting on a stone bench not too far from where he stood. "We survived just fine without you." Logan couldn't tell in her voice well whether there was accusation and anger, or just statement of fact.

"I know. On both counts," he began, turning towards her.

"Then why'd you come back? After all these years?" Her voice definitely held anger, but also bewilderment.

He sighed, "You were all fine without me. You didn't need me." He took a step closer. "This is the first funeral you've had in fifteen years, that's really damn good." Pride was evident.

"So you were just waiting for someone to die to come back?" she said incredulously.

"No!" he said with an angry sigh. "But it was better for you, for the team," he amended, "to not rely on me. I wasn't reliable." He held a hand out, "I'm sorry though. I promised I would take care of you."

Marie quirked her head to the side, noting his use of the past tense when talking about his reliability, and did not take the proffered hand. "Logan, that was a promise made to a little, scared girl. I'm not that girl anymore."

His hand fell back to his side when she rebuked him. "You're right. It's been a long time. I'm sorry." He met her eyes, trying to somehow make her understand. "I missed you, Marie." With those words, he turned around to go back into the mansion, to regroup and recover.

"That's not fair!" she exclaimed after him. "You run off, leave for almost two decades and show up when my best friend dies, spout shit about missing me and then go run off again?"

He turned around to look back at her, "I'm not leaving, unless you want me to." He turned back and walked into the mansion.

His enhanced hearing though could hear her whisper under her breath, "I missed you too."

O o o o o o o o o o O

Falling slowly, eyes that know me  
And I can't go back  
Moods that take me and erase me  
And I'm painted black.

O o o o o o o o o o O

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, sitting on the edge of the bed. It wasn't his yet, but it would be with time, which brought him back to what he had said to Marie. He told her he wasn't leaving. But he had originally been planning on a short stay. But when he had seen her again, when he had felt the way his body reacted to being back at the mansion, he realized that he couldn't leave any time soon.

He wasn't the same man that he was fifteen years ago when he ran off, he doubted she was the same either. Everything changes, and he had come to realize that he liked being a part of something bigger. But the longer he had stayed away, the easier it was to put it out of his head, to forget that there was a group of people who once cared about him.

Jubilee made it impossible to ignore anymore though. He had loved that little kid, and it hurt his heart to know that she died so young. And then he saw _her_ and remembered just what all he gave up in his search for his past and felt a deep pang of regret.

A knock at the doorjamb drew his attention and he saw Marie leaning on the frame, still not looking happy. "I'm sorry. I'm just overwrought right now," she explained, coming further into the room when he gestured, sitting down beside him. "But we can't just go back to being friends like we were."

"I'm sorry too, for a lot of things." He put an arm around her easily, leaning his head sideways to rest on hers. "And I know it won't and that this has to be hard on you. If you need anything, ask."

She paused, then looked at him directly, "Where have you been all this time? Why did you leave?" He tried to pretend there was no pain in her voice when she spoke, that he hadn't hurt her when he left, because that just made it easier to live with himself.

"Been finding out who I am. Maybe growing up a little too." He gave a half smile. "I know my whole history now, even the parts I really could have lived without ever knowing." He grimaced a little.

She leaned her head back to look at his face. "Does knowing make it easier?"

His brow furrowed for a moment while he considered how to answer the question, finally saying, "It made letting go of it possible." He let silence fall, then touched her arm lightly, the skin still covered with full length opera gloves. "Still stuck with those?"

Marie stiffened under his arm and he automatically tenses as well in reaction. "Mostly." He quirked an eyebrow up and waited for her to explain. "I have pretty decent control. Sometimes I'll lose it, sometimes other people lose it for me."

"Still have a temper, I see." He smirked as he spoke.

"Yes, but…" Finally, she shrugged, figuring that he would have to be told about it at some point. "A few of the personalities I've absorbed are stronger and can take charge, so to speak."

Logan looked at Marie, clearly shocked. That had never happened to her before, though he knew she retained a mental imprint of their personalities in her mind. "How did that happen?"

Her voice was deceptively gentle and off-hand, "They're only the people I killed. Apparently when I hold on too long, some things are permanent. Sometimes they are pissy at the X-Men."

Logan took her chin in his hand, trusting that she was going to control her mutation, searching in her eyes, trying to reassure himself that the Marie he knew was still in there.

"I'm fine, sugar. I have it under control usually." She saw the concern in his eyes and knew it wasn't just for her having to deal with the other personalities, but for her own soul at having to take lives. "Two out of three were accidents," she admitted. "The third, well…He deserved what he got." Her voice was suddenly low and fierce in a way that scared him. He never wanted her to be quite so able to take care of herself, perhaps.

Instead of trying to figure out what to say, he just pulled her into a hug. After a long moment, he released her, letting her continue. "So, things sometimes get a little tetchy. But, on the upside, I did gain some useful skills." False cheer echoed through her tone.

"What do you mean?"

"Some things are permanent. One of those things is their powers." He just continued to stare at her, waiting for the changes, so she continued. "I can fly; I'm probably just about as strong as you. I'm invulnerable, oh…and I'm a portable nuclear bomb," she said mildly. Shock was clear on his face when she explained, "Ms. Marvel, Sunfire and Juggernaut," she ticked off the names on her fingers.

"You killed Juggernaut?" His jaw hung open a bit.

"Like I said, he deserved what he got." Her mouth tightened into a thin line and he didn't push her on that.

Logan caressed her face softly, "Is that why you look the same?" Sympathy washed through him; being immortal wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

She nodded and looked away, but continued to speak. "It's not as bad as it could be. There are a few others out there who are immortals and not complete jackasses." Logan was not sure if she was referring to him. "But, Jubilee's is just the first of many funerals I'll get to attend." Now her voice showed the true horror and despair that she felt, knowing he would understand.

He pulled her into his arms again, holding her and gently stroking her hair. "I'm so sorry, Marie."

She didn't fight his gestures, somehow still feeling safe and comfortable with him; like he hadn't been gone for so many years. "I didn't really realize the consequences of his healing, or I might have stopped," she whispered.

"I'm not going to second guess you," he said, continuing to stroke her hair. "I know you enough to know that there was no other choice when it happened."

O o o o o o o o o o O

You have suffered enough  
And warred with yourself  
It's time that you won

O o o o o o o o o o O

They continued to hold each other for a long time, until they were interrupted by notification that dinner would be served soon. Marie pulled back reluctantly, and Logan examined her face, "You ok?"

She nodded. "Yeah." She stood up, cocking her head to the side as she looked back at him, "Were you serious that you are sticking around?"

He nodded with a half-smile. "For as long as I am wanted." He watched as she smiled softly at that and walked out to go to dinner. He spoke quietly after her, "I'm ready to be the good guy."

O o o o o o o o o o O

Take this sinking boat and point it home  
We've still got time  
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice  
You've made it now.

Falling slowly sing your melody  
I'll sing along

O o o o o o o o o o O

AN: Reviews greatly appreciated. It didn't turn out exactly how I pictured, but my fics tend to do that to me. I'm reasonably happy with it though. My feeling is that Logan is nigh-invulnerable, and god let's hope he eventually matures as a character. He's still going to have quirks and bad parts, but people do eventually learn things and they can change, especially when they are unencumbered by the aging process.


	2. Sleepless

AN: It's my birthday and I thought: "what better occasion to write a fic?". So here's a fic, with a birthday self-prompt. I've got X-Men on the screen in front of me and away I go. Continuity is off of one of my other fics, "Once" – Post Miss Marvel absorption.

p.s. I don't own X-men, the characters and honestly, probably not even the plot, as everything has been done before, I'm sure.

I'm posting this also as an additional chapter to Once. I sort of like this continuity and idea.

O o o o o o O

Marie sat on the couch, looking at the digital read out on the cable box: two a.m., past midnight and officially her birthday. She was the only one awake at the moment, which suited her just fine. Birthdays were ok, but not a big deal to her. Honestly, what did it even mean any more? She didn't age. She didn't have any contact with the mother that birthed her. It was no longer an event. Hell, she was probably the only one who even remembered when her birthday was.

She flipped the TV off. She should be in bed anyway – she hadn't been sleeping enough since Jubilee's death. It was just hard to settle her brain down and get it quiet enough to sleep with so many thoughts and personalities inside her head. Marie supposed she was lucky at least to be invulnerable; she didn't suffer from the same side-effects as normal humans would with lack of sleep, even if it wasn't entirely unnoticed by her body.

"Happy birthday, Marie," a rough and gravely voice said behind her.

Marie turned her head to smile wryly at the well-wisher. She should have known he would remember. "Thanks, Logan." She gestured to the empty rec room. "I'm having a big ole party, you're welcome to come."

He came in and sat down on the couch next to her, "Hard to get excited about it when nothing ever changes, isn't it?" Ever since his return, Logan had been different, trying to get her to talk to him and trying to help her with her life as a nigh-immortal.

She nodded with a sigh and leaned against his warm body. "It's sort of depressing that way. I know women are supposed to be depressed about getting older and the passage of time, but to me…" she trailed off with another sigh.

"It's just another way to show how everyone else is getting older and you are staying the same." He nodded and put his arm around her. "I'm sorry I wasn't here when this happened. I think I could have helped."

She stiffened under his arm when he said that, "I don't need you for everything, Logan. I got by, just fine on my own."

Marie felt, not heard, the faintest hint of a growl rumble in his chest, but he didn't say anything defensive or fight her words. Instead he changed tactics, "You learn to mark the time in other ways. Big events are more important than dates and years. You remember those things and they are usually further apart, so it's not quite so depressing."

She tilted her head up to look at him, curious now. "What are some of the important things that mark your time?"

He shifted uncomfortably beneath her, then spoke quietly, "When I left home a mutant. When I left the military. Meeting my wife." He held onto Marie a little tighter, signaling her to not interrupt, though he knew she wanted to. "My wife's death and betrayal. Waking up, not knowing anything. Meeting you."

Marie didn't know exactly how to take that; she'd been feeling that way more and more lately after his return. "I'm sorry to hear about your wife." She decided to just ignore the last phrase and go back to the topic of his wife.

"It was a long time ago," he said simply. "A different era." He brushed his hand across her hair softly.

"What era is it now?" she asked as he continued to stroke her hair.

Logan looked down at her, smiling. "Don't know exactly yet, but it's definitely a new one."

"What are you doing?" she asked, finally. She knew he would understand the question.

He thought about it, then said, "I'm trying to reconnect with you."

"Why?" She wasn't going to let him off the hook quite that easily.

"Because whatever era I'm in now, I'm pretty sure you're going to be a big part of it." He could hear her mouth close quickly, and he kissed her forehead before moving out from under her. "You should get some sleep. Goodnight."

Marie stared at him as he walked out of the rec room, shocked at his words. '_Great,_' she thought to herself. '_Now I'm _never_ going to be able to get to sleep._'


	3. Afternoons and Coffee Spoons

AN: I had a hard time deciding whether to publish this as an independent story/drabble or to try and group the stories/drabbles from a particular timeline. I finally decided to keep them together, and I will be adding my other drabble "Sleepless" as a chapter as well; just for ease of understanding.

So far, I've been writing this concept in a vaguely chronological order, and I will try to post warnings/notes if I go back and flesh out more aspects to the story.

Enjoy and review please!

O o o o o o o O

Logan saw her walking towards the front door and called to stop her, "Rogue!" He moved a few steps closer to her in anticipation for her response. He'd been busy, re-assimilating to life at Xavier's and had not gotten to talk to her as much as he'd have liked.

Marie stopped, looking over her shoulder questioningly. "What do you need?"

He continued his movement towards her. "Are you going into town?" She nodded her head, hesitantly. "Mind if I come? I need stuff."

She bit her lip. "I was planning on flying." Marie knew Logan didn't like to fly in general, and she doubted her way would be any better for him.

"Oh." He could sense that she didn't want him to go with her. "Alright. Thought it might be a nice drive though. We could…talk." He struggled with how to word it and have it not seem bizarrely out of character for him.

The attempt failed and she looked at him like he had grown a second head. "You want to go on a drive so we can talk?" She looked him over suspiciously, "Alright, lift up your shirt."

Now it was Logan's turn to look at her like she had gone insane, "What the hell?"

She strode over and grabbed the hem of it herself and lifted it slightly to look at his abdomen. "Hm. You're not Mystique." She seemed honestly puzzled. He struggled to not crack a smile as she continued to look him over. Finally, she said with exasperation, "Who are you then? And where is Logan?"

Logan couldn't stop the smile at that point, hearing the threat in her tone. She actually thought that there was a chance he wasn't him. "It's me." He shot his claws out with a quiet 'snikt', then retracted them just as quickly, the skin quickly healing over his knuckles. "Still hurts," he said quietly, referencing their first ever conversation.

Her expression softened with that, remembering the conversation as well. "Alright, sorry." She turned to leave again, finding the easiest way to deal with the 'new' Wolverine was to avoid him, her feet already starting to hover off the ground.

He didn't try and stop her again, just watching in awe as she flew effortlessly into the sky.

O o o o o o o o O

It was after dinner and he had totally cornered her. "So, have a good time in town?" Logan leaned against her doorframe easily as he spoke.

"Uh, yeah. Great," she said vaguely, moving around the room to clean up the clutter that she always seemed to accumulate. She concentrated very hard on the cleaning, hoping that maybe he would get the hint and leave.

She almost thought that it had worked, he fell so silent and still. Finally, she chanced a glance over at him, only to find him staring at her intently. "What?" She said with annoyance.

"I'm trying to be good and talk and stuff, and you're sure not making it easy," he said.

"Yeah, because it's creeping me right the hell out!" she exclaimed, causing him to flinch. "That didn't come out right. I'm sorry," she apologized with a sigh. "But this isn't what I'm used to with you and I don't know what to do."

He snorted, "Yeah, well, you ain't exactly the same person I left either." He saw a defensive and angry look coming to her face and added quickly, "I'm not saying it's bad. It just takes getting used to and I don't know what the hell to do either." He gave her a half-smirk, "It's not as though I have a great track record with this crap."

Marie stopped and looked at him, "What crap, specifically? And I swear to god, Logan, I will drain you within an inch of your life if you keep talking in goddamn riddles," she threatened, one hand moving to remove the glove from the other.

He held his hands up in a defensive measure, "I'm just trying…You know what? Forget it." His voice was laced with frustration bordering on anger. "I try and be the nice guy for once. I'm trying to do all the right shit," he muttered under his breath as he turned to leave, stopping when he heard Marie's gentle laugh.

"Now that's more the Logan I'm used to." She spoke with fondness as she laid her hand on his shoulder.

"Well, you shouldn't be," he said harshly. He turned to meet her confused eyes and said more gently. "I'm workin' pretty hard here, Marie. I'm trying to be something more than just the Logan you knew back then."

"Why?" she asked simply. "I liked you back then."

He gave a wry grin, "Doesn't mean you should have." He reached out and took a gloved hand in his. "Just let me try, and stop giving me so much shit for it, ok?"

"Why did you come back?" Marie asked him suddenly, watching him closely as he answered.

"For you." He took in her astonished expression, and brushed a quick kiss across her lips before she could react and then walked away.

O o o o o o o o O

Logan had gone straight to the gym, full of anxious energy. He had pretty much laid it out on the line with Marie, and he still wasn't sure it was the right decision. He punched the bag in front of him in frustration, causing it to swing wildly.

He took a deep breath, trying to center himself. He had studied martial arts extensively during his time in Japan, and although his muscles had retained the skills of fighting while he was stripped of memory, he hadn't remembered about the meditation skills that went hand in hand with them. Now he could remember and he knew how important it was to have that balance.

Hearing someone enter the gym, Logan immediately leapt from his kneeling position into a defensive stance. The newcomer, Colossus, merely arched a brow at him as he passed, moving to the free weights.

"I'm surprised you weren't at lunch," Colossus said conversationally as he began to stretch in preparation from his workout.

"I was," came Logan's gruff reply. He had wanted to be in the city with Rogue, but that didn't happen.

Piotr paused with a frown, "No you weren't." He shrugged and resumed stretching. "You should come next time. It's a nice group."

"What in the hell are you talking about?" Logan asked in annoyance.

"Ah." Piotr smirked. "She didn't invite you yet. Well, I will invite you, you should come." Seeing the Wolverine's growing annoyance with vagaries, he continued in his accented and occasionally awkward English. "We have a group of us that get together for coffee every so often. All us who do not die."

"You did that today?" He nodded in response. Logan's jaw tightened. That was what she was doing and why she didn't want him along with her. "Who all is there?"

Colossus shrugged. "It's not formal. But me, Rogue, Darwin, Marrow, Sub-Mariner, Deadpool, Sabretooth, Mystique…" he trailed off, noting the increasing look of anger on Logan's face.

"You all just 'hang out'?" he asked through clenched teeth.

Piotr nodded, holding his ground. "We're all going to be around for a long time, so we take time outs essentially. No party lines, no fighting." He chanced a grin. "I never thought I would see Sabretooth with a Grande half-fat, half-caff, double shot mochachino."

Logan was temporarily sidetracked by the image of his brother holding a Starbucks cup with a whipped cream mustache. "That actually works?" he finally managed to ask.

"Yeah, pretty much. Even after Juggernaut, who used to be part of the group. Technically, Rogue is the only one who could probably kill all of us." Colossus started his workout, leaving a very bewildered Wolverine to just stare. Colossus stopped after a moment, "Give it a shot. I'll tell you next time we plan a get-together."

Logan nodded and took the opportunity to escape the gym, still struggling with comic images of Sabretooth in his mind.

O o o o o o o o o O


End file.
